begging the reader's pardon

I want to beg the reader's pardon and please forgive my absolute lack of sensitivity. I have no right to judge anyone who has a disability, be they rich or poor. Or make "directive assumptions" about what kind of an attitude anyone should have when they are dealing with their own personal pain and/or suffering.

So sorry for my complete lack of insight. I applaud anyone's ability to pick themself up after they succumb to any catastrophic event be it an accident, act of God, a disease or the simple act of aging. Heaven knows how much I love my body (probably too much) and my ability to move and be physical. It's second nature for me, when I feel the urge to jump on my bike, practice my unicycle or dance on my roof! I am blessed and it's easy to forget how blessed I truly am. I take too much for granted. What if I didn't have the simple ability to walk (I am reminded when I had Lyme disease in 2017 and literally could NOT walk)? What if I couldn't just jump on my bike at 12 midnight and ride by the river when feelings of restlessness, frustration, anger or boredom overtake me? Being dependent on other people for help with shopping or doing simple tasks such as opening a box of cereal or getting ice cubes out of an ice cube tray...we the lucky ones, the healthy ones don't give these simple acts a second thought as to how precious they are (especially living in such a fast, hard and ego-driven city as New York. Although we are the first to complain of a pulled muscle that inhibits us from performing our regular gym workout or a strange wrinkle or an unsightly pimple that keeps us from displaying our face to the public eye! The little things we so-called healthy people take for granted could be taken away from us at any time in our lives--and most likely will.

As a queer, ethical slut sometimes I do deeply regret that I never sired children to see my seed live on OR to have someone to help me along the way when I get old and infirm. But then I wouldn't want to hold my child responsible for taking care of me. That's not a fair burden to place on any human. And having a desire for one's genetic fingerprint live on is a pretty flimsy excuse for fathering a child.

I hope I can judge people less harshly when it comes to the way they cope with whatever challenges they are dealing with in their lives. And I hope as long as I live I can find the capacity in myself to have more compassion for all sentient beings and be less

offensive, dismissive and small minded when it comes to what other's are going through and how they cope with their own personal pain and suffering.

May we all value every precious moment of the bounty life gives us--even when we are dealing with our own personal demons be they addictions, financial insecurity or the sheer ennui of sleeping alone night after every seemingly endless night. As master John McLaughlin says "We do not have yesterday, nor do we have tomorrow; we only have today." And as a female doctor once told me--"you are never truly alone; you are always with yourself."


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