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HEALTHY SEX=BE LIKE WATER

The Vibe is Always different

I believe man sex is a changing, fluid thing; or it IS if you are in touch with your emotions, feelings and body-mind. Is your sexuality healthy?

We are not machines. Au contraire, we are of the earth and more akin to the ocean with its tides. For some reason the contemporary myth is that men’s gender and sexuality should be “set” or we should know our so-called “roles” and stick to them. This is sheer nonsense.


I know as a queer/bi man I have internalized a lot of this fake script. I believe it was born out of need to be accepted by the queer community. It's also a very stifling by-product of "coming out of the closet" i.e., in return the embracing our freedom and self-individuation, there is also pressure to conform the hegemony of the LGBTQ "block." This is an unfortunate "side-effect" of the fever to be a part of, and be accepted by the so-called "alternate" world of queerness. Alas, another conversation!

This fluidity of healthy touching within the M4M free-massage-exchange world/context was especially evident to me in my free massage exchange today. My partner with whom I’ve been doing free bodywork exchange for more than a year now is partially trained but lacks the expertise and experience that I have. But he is good man, strong and has good intentions. He’s also LATIN and yes there is a bit of a language problem. But that's a minor detail. I’ve also taught him a lot in our time working together. He’s also a bi, married guy and father or five adult children. Further, he’s very much on the DL, lives a straight lifestyle and is very, very Catholic. We never talk about being "bi." I think he’s gotten less homophobic through our work together. But sometimes I still see some of that tension in his body. He also carries a rosary. And last week I found a tiny Virgin Mary statuette which he'd left behind the week before. I placed her next to Buddha (same stuff, different channel). To him probably Sodomy is a sin. Sometimes it seems difficult for him to reciprocate however, he’s gotten more open and less "hetero-tense" in our time doing bodywork on each other.

None of this really matters!

Cutting to the chase (and avoiding any further ghettoization on my part) let me just say sometimes our massage exchange involves release. And sometimes it doesn’t. It depends on both our moods, the time of day, the state of our body-minds, and our lust quotient on the day and time we meet. There is no penetration however, the sexy, sensuality of our touch is therapy-based and sensual and very, very vital. And it is (hate the cliche) healing.

Men are not machines. "C." and I especially, are living, mature men who enjoy massaging each other. From our history of touch I have gotten

Therapy is a huge factor in how we touch each other. C. and I also have a bit of a language barrier but that’s Okay. We provide a free, healing and sexy (if we wanna go there) respite and sanctuary for each other in this terribly busy, uptight and dirty city.

It works. And it’s not broken and I believe it keeps us more resilient.

No questions asked. No demands made. No money exchanged.


Interesting that in the midst of our bodywork exchange, I have had to examine my "sex fascism" (sex addiction). This I manifested by my programming and projections that we should release each other at the same time or that if I feel the urge to release him then he must reciprocate on me. You get the idea, my own "complexes" (agenda, scripts) when it comes to the happily spontaneous and free-flowing world of healthy sexual activity between responsible, clean consenting adult males. Sex is more fun when you recognize these propensities in yourself and refrain from giving them space.

If more men did this with each other. All wars would probably stop the world would evolve very quickly into a that kind of place that we dream about or imagine; a place where evil is diminished and were the possibilities for full potential abound. As a side benefit we would also in all likelihood stop our constant rape of nature and the world precisely because we would stop hurting and trying to dominate and enslave each other. If massage became the priority activity on earth, it wouldn't bring about anarchy but would create a place where the emphasis on men’s power and real estate is put aside for a time, in favor of a creation of a vast network of light-synergy-giving-comfort-and-aid-to-each-other. Another side benefit would be less fighting and competition.


I’m very grateful for my massage partner. We don’t love each other but we are good, strong, true massage friends. And we have man sex! We are on a journey together, and we have been blessed to know and experience each other along the way. What could be better than that?

#nycmasseur #saintorr #stevenorr #steveorwhat #fabulousfaggorty #queerelderwisdom

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