In memoriam 9-11

This is a picture of my neighbor's daughter taken in my kitchen on that fateful late morning of 9-11, 20 years ago yesterday. Sophie was quite pissed off at being hauled out of school by her hysterical (with good reason) mother.

Of course, who wouldn't be pissed off at the events of that day? I wanted to post a lovely photo of the Twin Towers (at the base of the South tower looking up, that delicious curve of the architecture), I'd taken on one of "photography artist's dates" but it's on another hard drive, and couldn't be found. Then I came across Sophie's photo. For years her mother refused to let me publish it. Now here it is. What better way to illustrate that forgetable day than through the eyes of one pissed-off kindergartener who happened to be in school directly across from the WTC that day. Oh, that fateful, fateful day when it all changed in a heartbeat.

Probably my deepest regret-besides the overt tragedy and twisted aftershocks that touched any New Yorker (any Amercian, any HUMAN that day), is that as an American, I'm sorry my country couldn't have taken the opportunity to open its heart, not use 9-11 as an opportunity to wage more wars. (Bush's imaginary "weapons of mass destruction"). What I mean is (and even I asked the Mideastern owner of the corner store) "Why do you hate us so?" And, if by asking that question America could have started a dialogue with the world, between nations just maybe day that could be a new beginning, an opportunity to get along better with different cultures, a way to avoid more wars. Reflecting on that now I see how naive I was. My country is like that addict in the 12 step meeting, full of bravura and sure that he's really "not one of these sickos." Meanwhile, with our guns, our political divisiveness, and our "Trump Toxicity" we continue to consume, pollute and scream at each other. Paradoxically, I am proud to be an American and, as a queer/bi citizen who practices M4M massage, I OWN IT! I have tremendous freedom (lots of pleasure, but never enough money for the work!), along with a responsibility to myself and to other men, NOT to abuse what I do, but respect myself and others as much as I can. I don't take what I do lightly either, but very often I can only function and get by with a very thick skin and a biting sense of humor. My first responsibility is to love me, my Soul's journey in this life, and I pray to be able to discern what exactly my Soul wants me to do--not my ego.

What is the solution? There is none. Change is all we have. If 9-11 taught me any lesson it was the intelligence of "radical acceptance" of what is; not holding on to what was. I relish the pleasures of solitude and the right to pursue happiness and to continue to live here. Although I feel my days are numbered in terms of affordability; the city is still a thrill and a challenge. James Baldwin said “Whoever is born in New York is ill-equipped to deal with any other city: all other cities seem, at best, a mistake, and, at worst, a fraud. No other

city is so spitefully incoherent.” I continue to be grateful to be here and a little sad we as a country can't get together just a bit better and see our excesses for what they are. Politics, church, state, oh please. Capitalism is not a compassionate system. Give me my MUSE; as in MUSIC; and an occasional hot, appreciative man I can connect with through touch and I'll be happy. Now, if we start talking about aging and healthcare; that's another discussion. The quality of life for low-income seniors looks a helluva lot better in the Scandinavian countries than here ANY day of the week. But I was born in the U.S.A. so I better be prepared for a very rough ride into my Golden years--unless a miracle occurs (are you out there Daddy? : ). That is all she wrote.

#nycmasseur #stevenorr #steveorwhat #saintorr #queerantiinfluencer #fabulousfaggotry #m4mmassage

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Intensely bored! High point of the day was an Austrian photographer coming over and taking my portrait. Not sure if appropriate for the head shot thing but we got creative (strange that regular acting