Gratitude to “C”

Thank you, client “C”, for your session tonight. I shouted out “I love you” about halfway through and I meant it! What a wonderful release to give my love to someone and be appreciated for it. It was such a great somatic, empathic and soulful session. A much-needed balm for me after a day filled with anonymous inquiries and men pouring their shit and their neediness and their obsessions to my weary ears without even one booking. God Bless You “C”.

So I sat down to do some music because during my bi-lateral therapy session today it occurred to me that I should be doing MORE CREATIVELY and be more dedicated to producing and capturing my talent just as I’m dedicated to practicing my unicycle, just as I make myself available to clients, just as I appreciate seeing the stars twinkle at night from the rooftop while down below the drunken cunts laugh like witches while they sit outside “Death and Company” holding court like the drunken B-movie actors they are; besides taking up way too much space on the sidewalk.

I didn’t mention much that I have a brother who is older and involved in a very abusive relationship with a woman who is partially disabled. She is very mean to him while he takes care of her; sometimes he is mean back to her and she pays the rent. I wonder if that is partly what keeps him there. “I could walk away with $100,000G and two cars,” he says to me. But he never does. He stays and stays. He drinks away the pain to deal with the abuse. It’s sad but (yup) it is what it is! He is so damaged, but seemingly unable to change his life. This is partly a result of spending 10 years behind bars. He was a big coke dealer in the '80s and '90s. "I was my best customer." It occurred to me during meditation today that often we live our lives so caught up in our “abusive” comfort zones that what might seem horribly unnatural to a typical spectator, seems to be “the normal” in ours. I interject herein how much abuse I take from clients—but that’s more akin to surfing—the highs and lows of the waves—or fishing. “Oh, I got a nibble” or “they aren’t biting today” or even “Wow, I really hooked a beauty yesterday.” I’m sure you can follow the analogy. If you can’t you shouldn’t be reading this.

Time to try and do some music while a repeat client claims he’s calling an Uber to come to me from Long Island. Jeesh. Doesn’t look promising. God help me put on my headphones and be creative...I've been waiting on two no-shows today. Blocked. Thanks again "C."

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