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Hello new subscriber! (S). LOL. Thank you.

I am getting my MRI on Sunday, very frightened of this new phase in my life. I somehow suspect I do have cancer. Not sure--it's just a feeling "down there." Something doesn't feel right.

I was also reflecting that maybe being without sex/a a well-functioning erection, might be a kind of blessing adding to the peace that I so desperately am seeking at this golden stage of my life.

A man texted me today and said "You are beautiful." Then he wanted me to prove it--he wanted pictures. I sent him to this blog but he checked it out and said "No pictures." It's very dullsville the way we queer men are just like dogs that way. I hunger for more. I wonder if that makes me less queer?

Feeling extremely unsafe tonight, what with all the noise here in the East Village. Unsafe and anxious. Could be the upcoming MRI too. Wigged out. No beer for two nights now. DAMN I miss drinking. Such is the price of being sober.

Grand idea for a short story! A real estate agent showing a home for sale to a potential buyer. Just as the owner welcomes both potential buyer and agent into the living room area, he walks steps into a puddle of warm cat vomit. Talk about PRESENTATION!

I felt so lonely this evening. All the sounds of everyone having fun outside on this warm spring night. I realize they are having fun. Nevertheless, their noises bother me. The noises make me feel unsafe here, claustrophobic and restless. Noise is only noise; I wonder why I give it so much power? Because my filtration system has been corrupted by growing older. That's why.

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Intensely bored! High point of the day was an Austrian photographer coming over and taking my portrait. Not sure if appropriate for the head shot thing but we got creative (strange that regular acting