The vacation's more than halfway over...

A coming ending of the quietude;

More than halfway through

My time away.

Worries like rats eat at my mind

With their anxious nibbles and bites

--I pray—

To find focus, a purpose, a vision,

A way out, a way in

To my own Soul

Which is sometimes there

And sometimes lost, adrift

As a tiny tern

Alighting in the street

flying into my belly

While I'm doing 10 MPH

on a bike on a sea wall road

While everyone’s asleep

God help me navigate this change

My greatest fear is not having enough


(I have enough men, enough pain,

Enough wonder, enough despoiling;

but longing for further

Shedding of useless thoughts)

Desiring stars,

higher highs

A nip of tequila

Another horror movie

another manual release

A passionate funny comment on Facebook

(again) left unread like the ugly girl--

the wallflower, who sits with head hung,

the one the guys never ask to dance

Praying is a solace; as is

The ocean-my timeless friend, always

Sweeping in and out

Its power indifferently alarming;

Majestic in arrogance and gentle

As an eternal Father

With arms always open

A Mother hugging me

Without seduction.

Yet both could crush me

as a Cyclops eats a sailor

without a by your leave.

Thank you, Atlantic!

More than halfway through

Cringing from returning

To the East Village

A morass of endless fray

Anonymous calls

Forced love

Forcing touch

Better than nothing

tiny, monthly check

almost a joke

Worth not so much,

But worth the world

not to have to work

except to touch

Here's a toast

to my day job

touching endless male bodies

at a decent hourly rate

(still never enough

for the New York black hole

of expenses)

A closing of the quiet time;

More than halfway through

My work-cation.

Come fairy magic

Sweep these black thoughts

away with moonlight

Cure my cancer

With sea love.

Let me absorb and carry you with me,

when, days, weeks, months from now

overstimulatedI walk to the

gym, over stimulated and judging

everyone, (mostly for their

never shutting up

and drunken laughter)

being a bitch to them

before they

can be a cunt to me.

Not a way to live

but it serves

until the move;

and I'm released

from the Gollum gyre

When? When!?

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Intensely bored! High point of the day was an Austrian photographer coming over and taking my portrait. Not sure if appropriate for the head shot thing but we got creative (strange that regular acting