I am grateful to have had a repeat client last night. "C" was going through a lot of stress with his relationship with his Mother (a cancer patient) and on and on. It sounded like he was in the throes of a very toxic, co-dependent relationship. I did my best to make him feel comfortable by gently and assertively sharing the language of bliss with him. At some moments, I had to firmly request that he "leave his Mother out of the room" and affirm to him out loud that this was HIS time to enjoy himself and that his Mother had nothing to do with this experience NOW. Eventually he did manage to let go; he got to explore new levels of enjoying himself and leaving "the baggage of the toxic Mother" behind! I am always amazed at some men's inability to enjoy themselves; almost as if giving and receiving pleasure is a language their bodies have forgotten to speak. But then isn't that why some clients come to me? While others of course (Hello "T" in CT LOL!) have no problem whatsoever in welcoming the massage experience, with open hearts and bodies, and a playfully maximized enthusiasm! YUM!
A great M4M masseur is one who has the ability to put his ego on hold, give himself, listen, provide multifaceted aspects of healing, therapy, pleasure AND be present in the moment without harming himself OR the client. My grounding rule in every session is "what is my intention herein?" while trying to remain judgment free and "progressively bliss-inducing" in my approach to the work. Meditation can also be a helpful tool for the somatic therapist to practice mindful detachment. Of course I will be the first to admit I'm selfish and LOVE reciprocation! It is a letdown when the client chooses to be indifferent and passive in a session, but I still rise to the occasion. I am, after all, a professional and continue to act as one, even when I experience a non-reciprocating client. My ability to not project my needs into every session comes from decades of experience and age. No one teaches you at massage school how to discern feelings of transference and be "healthfully detached" while providing excellent massage. It took me years to discover that most of my working time; it's not about me. I mean years LOL! The ignorance of youth disables most younger body workers from gleaning this innate knowledge. Which leads to the question "are younger male bodyworkers for men accountable for their ignorance" or not? Well, if you're a porn star or a model of course not. I suppose a lot of this filters down to the consumer. Is he looking for beauty, skilled therapy or both? And further, is mutual consent clear, agreed to and discussed? This takes the touching OUT of the realm of the shadow world, where too often so many men dwell when it comes to their own sacral chakra.
Anyway wishing everyone warm Valentine's wishes on this most lovely of holidays.