Zero'ing Out and listening to Your Soul

Lately, I have noticed that awards ceremonies (Oscars, Tonys, etc.) mean very little to me. It's highly unlikely I will ever compete in these venues. And they (along with celebrities) have very little to do with my life--my golden time now as I try to "go deeper" and listen to whatever it is my Soul is trying to tell me. I could care less that Madonna performed at The Standard last Thurs. and that she was urging everyone to "Love Themselves." Talk about horseshit. Hey, how about giving some of your millions away to programs that actively advocate or help to building affordable housing for the limited or low-income elderly. Now that is work and giving that goes beyond a cliched "Love Yourself" stage speech. Ahh, if only. Probably not enough good press in a cause like that...

The Jungian phrase for a more holistically lived life is self-actualization. 
The more people I meet, I observe that I'm rife with all sorts of projections and transferences going on. Constantly. I often put myself on pause to discern the difference between what I'm projecting onto reality (especially when it comes to men and the accidental contact of women) and what’s actually happening in reality! I'm not talking only negative emotions but more than that I'm talking about imagining someone is staring at me or cruising me intensely when it's really only the shadow of a parking meter or a roof top antenna! (i.e., “no one is there.”) 

Every day I thank God for the wisdom I'm able to glean through all my years of living. It's very freeing (and a little sad) to see that the way I lived the first half of my life. I put a lot of value on what theater jobs I got. Then in music I was obsessed with trying to write a "killer" hit, a record deal, or force people to experience my grandiose talent and worship me for it (a fair amount of people fell asleep while listening). Then in massage it was how could I pay off all my debts and be free? Now massage has morphed into the ultimate enjoyment of my sacral chakra (release work) along with helping other men enjoy theirs. But even more than that (on the way to the happy ending) it's good to know that I can provide healing through touch; and that sex is not the end all and be all of my massage skills, tools and repertoire but only one element of it. And an added perk at that! Thank God for my ability to perform and accommodate individual clients' needs, be they therapeutic or sensual. Otherwise I would have died a long, slow death of boredom very early on in my not so illustrious massage career. There is definitely an appropriate place for purely, therapeutic massage. However as a man with a multitude of talents (and personalities) for me, the integration of healthy release work into a body work session diminishes the sheer tedium of doing "just" massage. It really is a tragedy that the small minds of society and culture (even here in a major urban center such as New York City) tend to dismiss the typical (or atypical) M4M masseur as a hustler, fake or as "only" a sex-worker, meanwhile putting purely therapeutic massage on some sort of pedestal. If I hear someone making a snap judgement as to what's "legit" versus what not one more time, I swear I am going to scream a loud, long Primal Scream. LOL. It takes extraordinary talent to cross boundaries and enter into a somatic relationship with a client. Permission must be given, not inferred or demanded (by either party) and freely discussed. Do not assume anything. I am the most open person in the world when it comes to discussing a client's personal needs. In person that is.

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Intensely bored! High point of the day was an Austrian photographer coming over and taking my portrait. Not sure if appropriate for the head shot thing but we got creative (strange that regular acting