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6-26-24A Repeat Client and Clarified Boundaries

& the sensual versus the therapeutic...

"A" from the West Coast came for a second massage on Sunday. And he was surprised when I afterward I asked to be paid for work done.

Please know that when I put up the table and spend more an hour on giving your body/mind therapy that this is work! I spend time and skill discerning where your pain is (compensation, scoliosis, chronically compressed trapezius muscles (what I like to call "New York traps") and bands of rigid dried out muscles usually from overuse, lack of stretch, stress and not enough hydration--yes muscles too need to be hydrated to work optimally Google "Melt technique" to achieve this). This is where my years of experience and skill come in.

If we go to "a more sensual place" in the work it's all part of the work! Don't assume that sensuality turns work time into play time. It does not. I'm still on the meter and even making Dopamine has a place in healing and relieving pain. It's part of the healing and should not be regarded as a "ticket to a free massage." That's why I say "Best of both worlds Massage."

And thank you for your payment "A" and good luck to you!

In "Emotional Freedom Techinque" the set up statement would be "I have confused boundaries AND I love and accept myself now!"  Sometimes talent and skill are strange bedfellows; for all great minds there is a ga-zillion shades of grey.

It’s amazing to me that in all the so-called “legit massage literature” that dopamine creation is never even mentioned (“Sacral Chakra work”) as another aspect of therapy. I believe this stems from a deeply Puritanical Culture that essentially is rife with ingrained homophobia and fear of sex.

What's wrong with the M4M massage world?

Here is a excerpt from my Interview on the (censored) Rentmasseur site...


Is extensive training necessary for a masseur to be successful?


If you are talking about underwear models; no. If you were to rephrase that question, i.e., “Is extensive training necessary for a masseur to be GOOD?" The following would be my answer;

Training is the seed, experience grows the tree. Both matter to me and should to the discerning client. In the M4M massage world; most clients only want underwear models.

The bitter truth about the M4M massage business is that we who serve are all "the flavor of the month." Clients use us, then move on to the next flavor, i.e., masseurs are things, toys, tools, and slaves or service people. Very rarely are they considered human beings with feelings. Nothing loyal or faithful about it. Both the M4M massage  and real estate development are probably the two most cold-blooded businesses that exist; however the latter is the only one you make real money in (and probably are contributing to the destruction of the earth & the environment in the process). But money was never a high priority with me. I was and am an artist, with massage being my second calling.

No matter what this ugly world says, we need to remember the potential and the true holiness of what massage can be--and that is healing. Our society places so little value on it. But when you have that gift, no one can take it away. In my better moments, I am humbled by the beauty and power of what massage can do and so grateful I do it, do it well and share it with those who appreciate my gifts.

In the queer world often sensual touch is dismissed. That, to me is the epitome of inner homophobia.

I also wanted to share this question from the “Rentmasseur Interview…”

Tell us a little about yourself, if you were to pick something what would you like your clients to absolutely know about you?

If I do therapeutic massage OR sensual massage on you, they are both part of the WORK that I do. One kind of touch (massage) is just as valuable as another kind of touch (massage). It’s a distinctively American (Puritanical) trait to view sensual touch in massage as something that cancels out therapeutic touch. This is a lie and a fabrication (for those of us skilled in both that is).  Sometimes clients mistakenly assume or think that because I am enjoying touching them, they are entitled to my services for free (because they like to assume "he's liking this, why should I pay him?" The answer is simple, because I'm working! I do not provide free massage (unless you are 91 and in pain all the time), then I am willing to provide you with some free massage. I am gifted in that I know how to relieve people's pain and with the majority of M4M clients to explore the therapeutic benefits of dopamine creation. It's very rare that M4M clients can appreciate these skills that I have nurtured through the years. Often clients rationalize that because I am offering a sensual experience, they are entitled to it or it should be free. Both healing and sensual massage are work; when I'm on the meter. If we are on a date or "just hanging out" that's not work, it's play. Clients often confuse the two. Duuh—I don’t put up the table to have fun. Even putting up the table is work; and I put it up ‘cause I’m gonna work and get paid for it! ; ).

When I deal with men, I try to assume nothing, and discern what the client's intentions are and what mine are. Clarity of intention creates happiness for all!

You're welcome for all this "Man 'Splaining" LOL.


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