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12-29-22 Forgiveness like praying, is most effective and best done over and over and over again.

Updated: Apr 17, 2023

...then maybe your power comes back to you...


So I had a client who paid me $200 day before yesterday and the work was hard as fuck. He wanted deep deep deep and he was a former member of the WWF.

Can we talk “Built like a brick shit house?” Exhausting but well worth the big tip. Like I said, it was work.


Then last night I was ghosted by a client. Shit happens. Forgive, move on.


I had a lovely time posting a new photo to Masseurfinder and downloading and retouching so many nature photos from Costa Rica trip; Also posted new song to Bandcamp.com/saintorr. Still this ache is here, darn I wish I had a queen best friend! Maybe someday (?). Females can be your friend; but there’s something about a male “kindred spirit” who gets you. Takes the edge off. Often a deep friendship with someone who just “gets” you keeps the vampires at bay and eases the self-hate. My escape plan is to go to my art…maybe I need to put my house in Costa Rica up on my “Vision Board.” God. Such an L.A. concept, Vision Board. Kinda sweet and innocent. Why not? I love seeing faces on walls and on buildings and in weird shapes. I take photos and then retouch them to bring out this “captured beings” in the non-living. Who’s to say there isn’t some kind of life in everything? Do you believe in Santa Claus? I wish I still did. Maybe he’ll be at “The Eagle” on Sunday night. LOL. Ho ho ho!



BE CREATIVE. CREATIVITY HEALS!


Licked my wounds and got up today, did shopping and went for a major bike-ride—almost 40 degrees. You can’t let that go to waste.


Yes “forgive harder—your power comes back to you…” Thank you. Monique Marvez. Practicing forgiveness is very much like praying. I think they go hand in hand. Gotta make it part of my daily routine.


I believe karma, self-“light,” Soulfulness, whatever you wanna call it—DOES come back to you when you remove the block of hating and holding a grudge against somebody, i.e., when you forgive. But unlike childhood ides of how God should work when you forgive someone or something once and it’s all neat and tidy and it’s done—no. Adult forgiving is an active state of mind one must constantly be DOING—if one chooses to do so. If one cares…It’s like a mini-gym workout for the Soul. Even my dear Mother…I had the earth shaking thought last night that went “Why on earth—HOW could this woman have BEEN my Mother? I mean—this human. From what I saw, she was such a damn mess!” And you're under the so-called “curse” of automatically having to love someone, yada. When they are in your family. I think it’s a mind fuck. She’s gone and she abused me and (almost) every other woman I meet Contains the shadow of her abuse. See my novel "Comfort" for the backstory.


Forgive harder—your power comes back to you. Every day, every hour if necessary. Every night after you dance on the roof under the stars and when you sit for your quiet meditation session…go over those you want to forgive…and just make a little magic, imagining you are blessing these monsters, these witches, these demons. Bless them, send them compassion and let them go. Send them on their way. SET THEM FREE. And if it doesn’t work and the anger’s still there, then do it again tomorrow and next day and the next if necessary! And do this until you can think of anyone in your life with only a calm heart. Then maybe your power might come back. It’s kinda like getting a great massage. “Ahh—I feel so much lighter.” Well, sure the damn masseur and prodded and rubbed and massaged out the kinks, the toxins and the tensions. OF COURSE YOU FELL LIGHTER STUPID! : ) LOL..


I’m dedicated to trying to “Forgive harder” anyway. Can’t hurt. Much better for the blood pressure than obsessive thinking.

Forgive any typos…

And I love this one I came up with "Aging creates space..." It certainly does.


12-29-22 out

Saintorr Healing Arts

Steve O

nycmasseur.com



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