1-20-26 LIVIN' THE DREAM! or another Don't Drink Day!

Again I find myself super aware of my drinking habits and questioning them. And the stories I hear of how others have ruined their lives through too much booze constantly serve as a cautious reminder to me to always monitor my intake. Interesting that I have had my good times with wine (a few bottles of red a week for an unspecified number of weeks and years) when finally a therapist finally pointed out that the wine had become my best friend. 

I love the buzz of that first sip. Then you try to prolong it with the 2nd and 3rd (can or glass). Hardly ever going to the 4th. But like Sade sings, it's never as good as the first time : )

I love my Resin 9.1 and even one can gets me there : ). My drinking is relatively speaking in control but what it seems to come down to is this: is it bad to drink every day? So today in honor of my on again, off again harm reduction program (which, since the summer last year (turned 71 but often I feel like a semi-wrinkly, hot Daddy/Gidget)  seems to have turned into a harm elevation program. Or as a past therapist (who ghosted me by the way) said beware of "Fuck-it all" syndrome). That's the scariest place because there's no meaning. Too much freedom. As a senior I see how leisure time, down time and party time can dangerously merge into an every-day kinda thing. Still there's something exquisite about a tall boy Resin and dancing on the roof to my fav tunes. Fun.

Why oh why I wonder is really loud, irritating rap (shit) music the soundtrack of choice at so-called PURE gym from 10 PM to the wee hours on Avenue A. Talk about stress! I thought I made a new friend there, Luis but he seems to have disappeared. 

So here I am with my senior housing applications to fill out, maybe a nap and then gym and Tuesdays are fun nights when I can rehearse at my beloved Abrons Arts Center (playing hooky from the depressing choir. That was great for socializing but singing the bass part in DREAMS (and then it changes every week) is musical death.) Interesting about choirs in NYC: they are either "The old-lady and childrens' "anything goes" version (lots of tone-deafers): or the extreme Pro-version (must sight read--usually church musicians). Oh then there's the gotta pay to play (sing) Gospel version too.  I need to be with/at the piano making real sounds!!!! Thank you Creative God.

Higher Power (as opposed to Lower Power).

So I have made a sketch of a plan for the week---tomorrow early bird special at the Bath House Flatiron-- and 22nd 11 AM orientation at ELEMENTS HOUSE...

Downtime, downtime downtime for massage. I feel I have so much to offer the public at large but due to a rather stagnate promotional "Plan" I find myself 1 of a thousand or more massage rats for hire: too many here, all the same, fake M4M massage with six-packs. Oye. We are all different flavors for the M4M consumer. And they do consume (less and less with every year it seems).

Today I was reflecting on whether I have ghettoized myself by strictly doing M4M massage. It's weird to think of your part-time work preference working against you. Of course there are those anti-me thoughts like "my work is based on my sex addiction: so naturally it fails as a business model." But that's not it. I'm visualizing myself more in terms of a pleasure-giving Shaman than a self-hating addict. It's a comfort thing, a preference thing. And I just happened to get older :). A real massage money-maker would be the sheer drudgery of massaging women so they can become more fertile. Oh God. Torture. I had passing thoughts about becoming a Shockwave therapist. That's a 40G business plan. So back to nickels and dimes---with the queens. There is no loyalty, so many "Are you available?" and then the ghosting: seems to be an epidemic of that lately.

Then there's that awful patina of ageism and phone addiction everywhere. Yikes. Thank God I have music to disappear into!

Always grateful, always love and gracias ; ).

Phone addiction in the real world is like AI addiction (the cancer of empty content) in the online world---I actually saw a young cunt doing sit-ups while staring at her phone last night around 11'ish at UnPure gym. Also, at UnPure, member activity tends to get weirder and weirder the later it gets. And those young non-sexual queens with their rollickingly LOUD conversations (maybe to their probation officers, well, unlikely seeing as how they're white) very late at night. 

You gotta love it.

Repeat after me--THESE ARE THE GOOD TIMES! : )...These are the good times: 

I'm Living the dream! Just livin' the dream...

I think I feel a song coming on. Well, it could be worse. It could be10 below outside and not 22: and we could be in Minneapolis. God Bless Good!

Excuse me for venting. I'm bored and needed to "get real" for an hour and see my thoughts into words.

A dear friend was admitted to the hospital with severe appendicitis. Luckily they stopped the inflammation w/o surgery for now. When I asked her what brought it on, she said TRUMP.

LOL.

OK so don't drink today : ). At least try...

xoxo