8-21-25...The Dog-Daze of Summer....

What kind of brother texts "So--you're still alive?" After more than a year of not speaking? At first I was hopeful, ahh I thought, I can get outta Hell and go to Tucson for two weeks. But alas, hosting is NOT in brother Gregg's skill set. He's (straight) never had therapy and the 10 years behind bars kinda fucked him up emotionally. He was always a kind of "Bad Seed", still he is my brother. So what? I need to accept who he is. That dense-lack of beauty and sensitivity. The only decision to be made is if I want him to be in my life bad enough to deal with his weird, machismo-lobotomized version of so-called "Love". He is a conniver but boy does he play a gorgeous muted trumpet. To record that would make seeing him worthwhile.

So I had a nice client from area code 914 today, though he was way too hairy and good God I will never understand how some guys ask to take a shower and then they don't even bother to clean that cheesy, fishy foreskin. Yuck. Still the mutual touching was so welcome. It was hot. AND $140 bucks Thank you God. I'm always lonely for a man's touch. I always need money. My destiny. My life...

Two days of not drinking and tonight the 3rd night I had to have a cocktail. The buzz feels good as I write. 

Tomorrow with fuck-buddy "R"-can't wait. I call him my "Muscle Buddha". I wanna blow him while he's doing bicep curls. Waaaa WHO!!!!! 

Enjoyed seeing my semi-famous writer-author pal at the gym (Blink) tonight. "K" is so much fun. But Blink's new owners are forcing everyone to use their app. My friend says he will not be forced to use an app. that it's against his moral code. I hope he re-considers but I have a feeling he won't...there's a lot of German (stubbornness) in him. Damn. K has so much personality. He's so damn fun I will miss him dearly. Otherwise 90% of the guys there are young (chicken) and pretty clueless...either ethnic/poor or NYU. I don't cruise there. Weird. But working out feels great. I just ignore a lot.

On the plus side I actually created a new syn part in the chorus of my "Man in Moonlight" track tonight before I went to the gym tonight. I'm working on it with dear friend/colleague-in-music Tim. It sounds good but I realize that if I really want techno-wave-like sequences in my music I need to learn Ableton Live and if I want a House beat I need to make a damn House beat. No one will do this for me...there such an art to making a good mix. Tim plays what he thinks is House but it doesn't sound like it to me. And I'm the queen of Saint Morning Music. He's straight so clueless when his comes to dance music---well he's basically a rocker but he a weird kind of genius too. The song is good. And he says he loves it! I'm very grateful to have a musical pal in my building, living next to me yet. My dream would be to have my song playing on the dance floor at The Eagle. Well, dream on nigger LOL.

But alas I need to find senior housing. The East Village is too East Village for me now. Rich, NYU--like a college town. I need quiet and yet, conservative (well...I hope the management of the new building doesn't mind the occasional odd male caller--he he). I will miss my "man-action" but I need peace and quiet more than anything now I think...and direct sunlight shining through windows might be a nice replacement of my being the eternal Roof Niggah...oh that plastic. I will miss it!

The plan is to NOT claim I own any real estate. One must lie to get ahead nowadays. We are all living a gansta-lifestyle with the "orange-headed dictator" at the helm. What a world. Still I love it. 

No jerking off now for three days. No cannabis either but I feel Ok. Bath House tomorrow. Hope there's not a lot of noisy cunts. And oh dear God how I hate those non-bi straight couples. The worst is when you have a fag talking to his fag-hag female friend. They are so fucking loud. As are black peoples...Oye. You gotta love Jew York though, you just gotta : ). Somehow amidst all the chaos it works. I think I need to experience New Jersey. Even thought it's conservative as hell. The quiet, the quiet...I'm quite done here. Even THOUGH I had another Rentmen inquiry. I wonder if he will book? Doubt it. My first was last week. It was stressful at first but then it worked. Escort work is different than massage. It's somehow deeper in it's own sexual way. Can I cope?

Some slut boys inquiring as to wanted a Daddy to dominate. And another hot dude but outcall to Newark??/? God I don't think so!

A nice handful of work and then two jerk off calls. Some old codger calling complaining about my rate. He booked anyway they canceled as his niece wanted to meet with him. He was a city -worker, retired on a pension. Bitch I don't HAVE a pension! Blocked him. Fucker. Then night before last some "thing" called wanting to talk to me. I am super weary of that. Especially when they start to call me "honey" or some shit. That usually means the caller wants to inflict some weird kind of insults in person "Steve Orr you are such a faggot" and my response is "Yes!   And----?" So many sickos in the world it's crazy. Such much shadow energy. It's challenging to stay a "Light Worker" in this work! And this IS the world!...

You gotta love it!

nycmasseur.com Loves you. (not really--but let's pretend LOL).