9-6-23 a rather “chilly” fellowship which didn’t happen—after the ACA meeting tonight at The Center. And what IS step 10 via ACA? We continued to take personal inventory and to love and accept ourselves. Then there was the wacko at the meeting saying “if you’re sad, GET HAPPY!” Shut the f—- up asshole! LOL It takes all kinds…I really got that it was a cliquey meeting tonight. I think there's one other senior in the room; otherwise it's very NYU'ish...maybe time to start looking for other meetings.
The gold in this experience was that I have re-invened some tools to deal with improving my own personal economics. I feel this was a direct result of attending the meeting. So what if my "plans" to do fellowship fell through. There was gold anyway. Sometimes the power of the rooms is working on an almost subconscious level, even our egos are "put off" because we aren't getting the attention we think we deserve. Many of these participants know each other. Of course they're going to be cliquey and reluctant to welcome newcomers with open arms. I get it. Moving on. There are so so many dimensions to my self-imposed isolation. It will probably take me years to work through. Also, being a senior I find great comfort in solitude. Some things are not dysfunctional...they are just in our nature.