"Dealing With It" 8-28-24

8-28-24

So sorry to have missed the “massage summit” hosted by a fella named Peter on 30th Street yesterday. I was just so exhausted from not drinking! LORD.

Now I have to go up to cat sit the neighbors’ Maine Coon. Before that I had a slight bike accident. Now icing my knee. Not sure how I ended up on the ground next to Whole (Paycheck) Foods on Houston!?! But I did. Several caring folks helped me off the ground. My right brake is kinda fucked but I will live…icing the right knee shortly..

“Wirz” is the correct spelling I guess of the creep who ran Andersonville prison in GA during the Civil War.

Yay my novel “Andersonville” came in the mail. After I read the “Andersonville Diary” I will hopefully get the DON’T KILL THE CAT book on screenplay writing. 

The streets were kinda chill today—I enjoyed looking at all the closed businesses…WTF New York? 

When I go up upstairs to cat sit I need to ignore the Absinthe I know my neighbors are fond of. I wonder how much is in the bottle. Maybe it's unopened...Yay! Which means I will not be able to access. I feel a bit like a demented Joan Crawford in "Queen Bee" LOL~

Damn can I wait a whole 30 days??????!??!?!!?! to not drink again…I am so craving a damn cocktail!~

Today is day 24 I can’t believe. My stomach looks a lot better. Every tiny thing I eat needs to be accounted for. JEEZ…I need something to calm me down. Those videos of people at the beach helping stranded sharks and dolphins are inspiring. I would love to do the Appalachian Trail but a tent and all that crap…I’ll settle for the bike trail near Yonkers. 

I bought Live Intro 12; can’t wait to try it out. I’m inspired by the interface already…everything can be loops y’all!

So filled with energy today! Am I manic depressive? I wonder what it was? Maybe being alive~such beautiful children (as children and adults!) everywhere in this town. Amazing. They are so pristine and pure in their energy (like the Virgin Mary. I wish I could rent-a-child (no not for that! : ) Just to be able to practice being a real Daddy….The homeless lady on Avenue A called me “Dad—help me please…” last night at 1:30 I wonder if I feel the weirdness of that more because I’m sober? Certainly no rage…just a “Ok—I’m now a Dad” moment. Two homeless (?) black guys hanging out on Delancey Street, rush hour—dressed in rags and itching their privates. What a trip this city is~

No business. Frustrating. A friend of mine got out of the hospital. “R” is chronically ill. Has been for years. His ex-was a real demon who I believe infected him before being unfaithfal and dying. “R” loved that demon so. I recall so many mad experiences staying with them back in the mid-2000s. Arizona, where surreal beauty shines amid death and “Mañana” mindset with glimmers of road rage in fast moving cars as the sun paints a gorgeous picture going down. This country does know how good it has it. I wonder if "R" ever knew or suspected that when he and his BF demon came to me for a massage--I had sex with the demon. Wow. I don't feel guilty...it was just release...mutual release/dopamine fix...

Speaking of which I jerked the turkey-lurkey today it felt GREAT~ : )...Didn't look at porn though, strangely.

Oh how am I not going to drink the Absinthe~?~~?!!!!!? Maybe more eidbles LOL~

I’m a lonely bi-fag-Daddy who feels so available to the world and so disconnected. That's OK too~it's just fine and feel WTF I am feeling. 'Cause I'm alive and a damn hot mess. DEAL WITH IT!