I must be careful not to be a "dry drunk" especially when getting triggered by no-show clients and disrespectful people in general. Also I realized tonight meditating under the stars that another reason I'm going on the wagon is to see if I can be more productive musically. I'm a very unique, sensitive, lone-wolf type of guy (gay/bi/gay) and I can't look at other's lives and pretend what's right for them is right for me. I have to discover what's right for me. Heavens I was also thinking "Maybe I should go celibate (at least from yanking off to porn) for 30 days. That might be really too much pressure as I'm so addicted I think to my own dopamine creation especially late night before sleep. Goodness, the phone, beer, sex--all that samsary/monkey-mind (in Buddhist speak) taking me away from Holy Spirit silence (if the Holy Spirit exists).
It's so easy to fall into the "stinkin' thinkin" rut. Gotta watch that. Resentment transformed Lucifer from one of God's chosen angel into Satan. Gratitude is the food of angels (even if you don't believe in 'em LOL). Resentment fuels chaos and demonic activity (no-shows, disrespect, that's all part of it too).
I know what I'm doing is right here and now. I know because I've feeling all these new sensations ! Wow. Gratitude bitch slaps me in the face. NOW! : ).
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