Entering 22 days 8-26-24

I feel more alive than I have in months! No alcohol! Me? Sure, why the fuck not? Insane--maybe but more likely simply bored of getting high. Am I less angry? Sometimes…feeling more balanced? Maybe…certainly feeling more! : ).

Thanks “J” quickie client tonight and thanks “J2” repeat client I am working on this afternoon.

Currently reading “Andersonville Diary” by a young soldier who survived the notorious Rebel prison for union soldiers in Georgia circa 1864, during the Civil war; run by a cruel, rather confused Col. Wirz who was later hanged for his war crimes.

This morning I had a breakthrough thought that I have been using my drinking as a kind of surrogate activity (a replacement? or a substitute) for my so-called lack of music career. That one rocked me; I have yet to decide whether this is just a period of abstinence or if I should become a total tee·to·tal·er. The verdicts out on that one : )…

Certainly apparent on a purely somatic level that when drinking one basically is just drinking and not really being productive. That's what rubs me the wrong way; indulging in my love (yes LOVE) of being high prevents me from truly growing as a producer; truly experiencing and giving voice to my own, private musical visions...Does the creative man need to sacrifice that euphoria that alcohol brings on in order to be disciplined enough to produce creatively?

Growing pains : ).

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