Sober Check-in 1-21-26

It seems that after the storm (the slow period) the sun again reappears although it's colder than a witches t**!. Thank you repeat client "B" for yesterday. Such a joy to work on you and to have that trust between us. So many things I fantasize about: best to keep it all about the massage though LOL. You are my client. Period.

Also was very happy to receive an inquiry from a potential client visiting from another city. Great body! Hope he sets something up. We aim to please. Boy. Hot Dog.

I should meditate today to keep my addict's mind at bay : ).

Entering my second day of no alcohol. Had great work out at the gym last night and sleep habits seem to be less fragmented. I'm undecided as to how long I want to be on the wagon. But I'm pleased to be taking this break! I don't think it's healthy to be in "party-head-space" as a natural, continual way of going about my days and evenings. However I do love to feel that buzz.

This is a real paradox because as a completely independent senior there's no real guide in all this. Yes indeed drinking is a form of numbing out. It's also an enjoyment and a boredom killer! It's so terribly easy to expand the enjoyment of beer from just weekend nights to late night drinking, drinking to fall asleep, the occasional beer during the day. It takes the edge off. Drinking makes me feel somewhat sophisticated and I love the flavor of absinthe! And that Shozu from Sweet potatoes. Yikes. Never mind the price of both ($70 and $30 respectively). A sixer of DIPA is like $16...

It's so very easy to say "F*** it all" and ignore that little golden rule of moderation! Drinking daily definitely causes blow back, no matter how subtle. Oh those endless stories about drinkers dying from cirohsis of the liver---yes even some queens who do to the gym are vulnerable. After all, just going to the gym doesn't do anything for your inner organ health if you work out and then hit the vodka every night.

Jesus it's hard to maintain, get older, deal with it all of life:

Off-topic: Watching The Chestnut Man--good stuff!

Back to alcohol: That's the problem i have with it. Every day isn't good: and I need to change that. Usually I use a therapist help me monitor my alcohol intake but finding a queer one with Aetna Medicare is impossible. Moderation is the key. On my own...again.

Going to the orientation at Elements House tomorrow hopefully at 11 AM (early for me) but very curious as to how I can use this socially healthy venue (group venue) to stretch my social interactions. Very challenging being a queer senior and a M4M bodyworker (the concept of "doing Daddy Massage" to most straights--especially straight women: is a bit like expecting non-Asians to hear, speak and understand Chinese Mandarin ; )...

so I continue to continue...to pretend..my life will never end...and flowers never bend with the rainfall.

Back to bed, then maybe work. Why do I have the feeling he's not going to call? LOL. Whatever...have lots of paperwork to do today and dying to get back to working on on my FABULOUS FAGGOTRY collection of short stories...

love and gracias

Steve O

nycmasseur dot com