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Tues. March 7, 2023 "Oh Sebastian"

Updated: Apr 17, 2023

The Eagle on Sunday was fabulouso. At certain moments when I’m dancing I can be completely nude with my emotions in and around all the men. And I’m learning to just "hang out dance" and feel the beat so as to not be performing and being “artsy” every moment I'm dancing. But part of dancing is being an exhibitionist! It IS a Tea Dance for heaven's sake. For me the dancing takes center stage; It’s all about fun and partially about being a clown. Moving is life. It’s part reflection and part exhibition and part joy; many many parts of me as a fully human joyful king/queen, Daddy Mommy eternal teenager and ham, actor-mime, etc. Some thoughts I had were mourning and sorrow for all the men lost of my age (68), the first gen to die from AIDS; then communicating through body and smiles and joy with other men—usually the ones close to my age, and sometimes the younger guys too. Then at certain moments I was just watching all the younger men and loving them for their dancing, for their just being men. What beauty. What a party. Love it. Thank you God for the Eagle.

Thank you God.

Speaking of God…big muscle bruiser “Sebastian” at the gym late night. Jeez Lueez so hot. So funny. Down girl down. I had a fantasy of inviting him over for a late night fuck session. But I believe he's straight! And not bi at all. So many men I'm attracted to are straight.

Acupuncture was so good today…breathing new life into my body.

I saw a woman today at the ESSEX STREET market whom I thought looked familiar. Then I realized I knew her and we had a “troubled past,” ancient history at this point. When I realized the identify of "A" (she’s. A poet—I used to admire her work; now not) I tried focus on forgiveness. And said nothing. Forgive harder--and your power comes back to you.

Carry grudges causes stress...let go, let go, let go and let "Higher Power..."

Amor & Gracias


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