What Inspires me...8-24-26

$40,000,000,000,000 (Trillion) debt: U.S. What concerns me is that Trump isn't paying attention to basics, i.e., we can't win the war because we don't have the weapons and the manpower. Besides that the fool is just so involved in making bad decisions. There is such a lack of astute judgement in our President it boggles the mind. He is there to make profit! That's fine but when you don't pay attention to the very infrastructure of the country--our security, jobs, inflation, etc., this is a recipe for disaster.

On a more positive note, I've decided to give up on Amazon Digital Kindle and just focus on recording an audiobook of my "bizarre" collection of short stories called "Fabulous Faggotry." Wish me luck.

Sometimes I'm inspired by my clients "T" is in his 70's and he plays in a successful rock band (bass player) and he's in great shape, cut and "chisled" I might even say. So he just went through a knee revision. The surgeon did a "clean up" after a knee replacement that didn't "feel right" according to T. He's feeling better now: and he's now walking without a cane. He rehearses with his band in the music building (in midtown) where, he told me, Madona contributed $1,000 to everyone's rent (everyone who rents a musical studio there) last month. Bravo Madge! This was to commemorate the time in in the 80s when she lived there because she was homeless.

Dancing at the Eagle tonight (and being very bad) with an old trick who seems to be on steriods--he's big and meaty now and I was quite taken with his in on the 2nd floor (but I stopped myself)--he's got a b.f. of two years in New Jersey. I don't like being "the side slut" but it sure felt good. Oops then I turned around after our "make out" session and he was gone. Men are so impatient.

Vince Christopher was in the main room and he was hot. The music was burning. I'm so glad for this place and for a chance to work my shit out on the dance floor with music, surrounded by hot (and not so hot) men. Thank you God.

Binging on the Sopranos season 6. The struggle with Vito and his being gay. Hard core Italian mafia homophobia is the worse kind but even Tony tries to incite compassion with his crew: I vaguely recall how it ends badly for Vito. The writing in this show is truly inspiring and amazing. The depth of the characters is beyond anything I've ever watched on T.V.

Was chosen in a lottery for a one-bedroom in Flatbush: I spent 2 days filling out paperwork. Some friends are advising me NOT to move but if my rent is actually half of my income (or so) what's to keep me in the super expensive, inflated rent East Village? Work?!? Ha.If this move happens I would gladly give up massage (I wonder if I'd have to go on Zoloff in order to cope? Hmmm).

To the Bath House on Tues (only $29 early bird special) for the day pass and then seeing Insidious on Wed, then the Lesbo serial killer flick with Gillian Anderson on Friday (I hope). Life is good. I have the urge to rent a car and just drive up to the Cape to see Marconi Beach: maybe I should do a getaway to Ashville, N.C.? Not sure, maybe just rent a car and drive away for 3 days--a mini road trip. I was writing poetry on the roof tonight before the Eagle "Beautiful Monsters" was what I came up with: here's a very rough draft...mind you it's a work in progress!

Beautiful Monsters

Waiting for the end of life

ending long after it bloomed

Golden blossoms of moments spent

in late afternoon light's gloom

The vampires constantly watch and wait

holding vigil to fill any room

with commodities and human numbers

Analyzed to multiply and consume

Am I a terrorist

Who wants to blow it up all

and scream these monsters away

until a stillness overtakes all

As the beautiful undead light the way

I'm a terrorist

keen to destroy anylove

that happens along my way

Beautiful monsters

come late afternoon

waiting for a screaming game changing

Hail Mary, can't come too soon.

I heard a screaming

from cross-bowed men

in the late afternoon light

Undead monsters murmuring

in the booth next door

such a fright

I'm wanting to hear

a sound again, to break it all down

and start again,

I'm wanting to hear

that song again

screaming break it all down

and start again

Break me down

take me down

with your vampire murmurring again

with your late afternoon monsters

rising, stretching, curling

unboying and girling non-friend

Fear and fear and loathing

from the uncurling, unknown friend

cast your role in the late afternoon light

dying dragons become your friend

The monster's here murmurring

like an owl in the wilderness glen

oversharing and caring

overbearing and chilling

And overlooking all, the secret beast lies

lies watching and in waiting

For the my last big

overatures' end