Had a wonderful experience with repeat client "F."
When it works, there's no better job in the world.
The experience was basically sensual. 69, clean hot. I loved manipulating F's extremely attractive junk : ) LOL. He released as I felt myself dominating and working and in command of his body. I attempted a self-release a few minutes later but his touch was lackluster (you know when you ask somebody to do something during sex to assist you and they kind of doing very half-heartedly?). There was also an element of frenzy on my part ("I've GOT to cum" which involves self-pressure and which is the easiest way to not cum LOL). It didn't matter. I didn't need to release. Usually the timing is perfect with this one 69 (both shooting at the same time) but not today. Doesn't matter. It was good, good good.
Interesting that shortly before he came I was thinking to myself "how would the church see my sensual massage practice?" Wow. I even thought that some might see what I do as evil. Clearly many people would disapprove. How do I feel abut it? I feel I have a gift and it's so wild and free that many couldn't comprehend it. (And many, even fellow queer men-- don't even try, they just cast me off as "one of those." It really doesn't matter as I live my life according to how I want to live. I am free and there is a great beauty in that. I'm grateful though poor. I am rich with music love and have particular components of my life that are rich indeed (though not "rich" on paper). Doesn't really matter. I do the best I can; in some ways and in others this lifestyle I lead is so non-linear I really can't sit down at the end of the day and take an accounting.
Catholic purists would say that I am selfish and self-obsessed but I'm not. It takes a rare degree of empathy and compassion and a very sensually open mind and body to do what I do with my M4M clients. I'm grateful I have the gift to do it. Also mindful that many would disrespect me and judge me and use my power and beauty against me--probably because they are jealous. But honestly up to this point in my life; this works while other methods of making income pale in comparison. Also practically and prudently speaking last week I had no clients at all but this week I was lucky. It so often comes down to that. And one certainly can't dismiss the role of fate in all this. A part of me leans into thinking that because fate plays such a large part this part-time income making that that is somehow bad or cheap but I know that's just self-judgement. I can release that : ).
Jesus I wish the damn water buffalo upstairs would stop scrapping her damn kitchen chairs across the damn floor. Radical acceptance is called for here. Nothing I can but go up to the roof and chill. Water the plants. Thank you God.
A dear dear friend is treating me to a "jazz dinner" tonight. Thank you "T." We have known each other for so long. Wow. Another friend of mine (co-worker really, is he a friend) did a stunning video tribute to a family member that passed away recently. Both the music and video were gorgeous. The man was a very progressive farmer and owned vast acres of land in the Philippines. The earth will miss him. I didn't care so much for the all the religious schmaltz in the video (images of smiling Jesus, Mary, lots of angels, etc), cheap shots but my friend is deeply Christian. I am a pagan so the images in the video of the land and the farm and crops and the sun more deeply resonated with me (Jesus and the angel schtick not so much) LOL.
Oh well!
Se la vie.
Onward to the day.
best,
nycmasseur dot com
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